How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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