I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
