he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
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we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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