I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
