I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
