I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Pants are for mortals
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
