The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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