my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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