i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
