is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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