Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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