she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I stole a fireplace last night.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize