You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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