I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Vodka?
Forever.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
