I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You can't motorboat a personality
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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