Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
