Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
It's official drugs can't kill me
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
