so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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