omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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