"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize