ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
