Me too!
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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