How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
