I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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