I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
