You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
