fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
