I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
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