i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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