Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
