He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
