It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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