I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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