Yo dont text me then not text me
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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