Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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