well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
