Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
