just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
