In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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