i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
