Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
