I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
