spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
