Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
