I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
