There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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