sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
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The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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