woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
