I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
