i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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