her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
