bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
