So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
