You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
