The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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