You're a womanizer and a bitch.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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