She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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