We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
