Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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