I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
