you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
