He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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