you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize
