her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
